i had a good week at gran's, it went faster than i though it would, gran seemed lonely, i have to try and phone her more.

i am definaltly glad to be back, and be able to smoke inside a big thing!)

i am doing something i can't talk about tonight, something very bad. it's making me feel nervous, sick in my stomach. i am not doing because i want to, more because i feel i have to carry on with my life normally. i am not going to do anything illegal, or immoral. i am just sorting things out, slowly, in my own way.

actually i'm probably confusing you. but there could be issues if i type what i am doing, although i am doing nothing wrong. let me give you an example.

if you went to the hospital with a friend, but that friend didn't want anyone to know they were going to hospital, you would have to lie about it to people, wouldn't you?

i think i sound like i am trying to convince myself, which i am not. am i? i just don't want to do anything to jeapodize the good things i have. if i don't do this this, it might jeapodize them, and if i do, it also might.

what a confuddle.

katie